apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
