I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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