i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
