Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
