I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
