I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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