I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
