I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
