I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
