I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
