Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
