onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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