Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
