just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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