Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
