Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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