This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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