Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
