why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
