I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
