well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Oh god it's open bar.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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