I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
