can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
