Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
