trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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