I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
