So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
