so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
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I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
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Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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