My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
