this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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