Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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