i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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