I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
