My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
