If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
