you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
