I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
