Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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