How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
