4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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