I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
