If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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