Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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