just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
