we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
