people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Watching her eat just hurts me
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
