are you so shy because you have an std?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
