Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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