he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
