I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
