I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
