Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
