I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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