so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have already put on my inside pants.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
