it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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