Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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