1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
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I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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