Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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