We won't sleep together?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
