return my video game
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
