So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
