Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
