its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
