I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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