I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize