LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
