oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
