In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
