Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
