i just wanna soil my oats bro
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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