Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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