I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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